Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
I am amazed at how sometimes the grief of losing our first baby still overtakes me. Even this past week at church, we were singing a song, and I don't even know what it was, but tears came to my eyes as I thought back to our first baby. Our baby that I carried for 12 weeks and never was able to hold, but loved more than I knew possible.
I think often of how pregnancy is different for us now. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't worry about our baby that we carry now. I think about how blessed we are to still have this one, but yet always have a question of hurt in my heart and mind. Mike often says he wonders if we will ever be "okay" with our miscarriage. I have become so much more aware of other women who have had miscarriages and it hurts my heart deeply anytime I hear of another.
I am extremely thankful for women I've met along the way. After my miscarriage, I stumbled upon a message board forum for miscarriage. I found a board of women who were all due in May and had lost their babies. I never thought I'd become friends with people on the internet, and I found myself often fighting it, thinking it was so ridiculous, but honestly? they got me through some dark moments, and I'm truly thankful for their friendships. We still "talk" via the web, and most of us are expecting again, or have already had another baby. What a blessing to be a part of these women's lives, that I never would have been otherwise. We live all over the world, and the one thing that bound us together was our grief, and now we share in each others joys and tears.
I'm so thankful for each of their friendships!
just what is on my heart this afternoon.