Christmas Tree Hunting

Our day started with this... 

And ended with this...

So thankful for a Savior who gave of himself so we could be saved through Him.

He gives and takes away

I've looked at our "thanksgiving tree" on the wall in our dining room, I don't know how many times in the past few days. Every morning, we sit and talk about the things we are thankful for, and each of us takes a turn to write something on a leaf and put it on our tree. A simple, but easy way to remind us to be thankful; to be GRATEFUL for the little things in our lives.

Here's the trouble. I'm not feeling incredibly grateful these days.


You see, a week ago, I miscarried.


Back in September we found out that I was pregnant.
We were so excited to welcome a new life to our family.  The beginning was the same ol' same ol. I met with my, new to me, OB, whom I was excited to work with, as I was really hoping for a VBAC. I thought I was around 7-8 weeks, but was measuring further, so he sent me for an ultrasound.

I drank  insane amounts of water, and impatiently waited for our ultrasound, excited for that first glimpse of our baby that I already loved more than anything. We went in and as the ultrasound started, it was almost as if I knew immediately and almost instinctively things were not as they should be.  Dates weren't matching, and the baby wasn't measuring as far as we thought, so they sent me for blood work  HCG levels, 2 days apart.  I got the call on a Tuesday that I knew was coming, my OB believed that I had what is called a blighted ovum, and that I would indeed miscarry. To save you from Google-ing, a blighted ovum basically means that everything happens, but the baby never develops. He wanted me to continue to follow up for a couple of weeks with blood work.

The next Monday I went in for blood work and received a call the next day saying my levels had gone up and I needed to come in for another ultrasound.

Confused?
Yea, so were we.

Mike took some time off of work, I dutifully drank my water and we went in. And truly, miraculously, the baby was growing as it should be, I was progressing along. We were so happy, though, a bit confused. My OB suggested that perhaps I had had 2 pregnancies, the first vanished, and this was a second one that we were seeing..

In case you're keeping tabs we've now been told...
Pregnant
Not Pregnant
Pregnant

The next day, I started bleeding. I called the OB again, and they wanted me to come in for another ultrasound. So, I went in again, and everything still looked okay. We were nervous. Countless people told me their stories of bleeding that never turned into anything. I knew they meant well, but it was hard to hang on to hope. We'd been down the miscarriage road before, and while I tried to hang on to hope, I knew that things were not looking good for the precious life I was carrying inside of me.

The next day I miscarried. I'll spare you the details, because you really don't want to know them. This experience was vastly different than my first experience, which involved no signs of miscarriage, and surgery. This time, I miscarried naturally, at home. I don't know that I will ever forget the experience that I went through that night.

So, as we muddle through this season of thanks, when I'm honestly, not feeling very thankful. I must remind myself that we are blessed. The words from a song keep pouring through my head...

He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away,

My Heart still will say, Lord blessed be your name.

and that's has been my prayer... Lord blessed be YOUR name... 

So, through this season of thanks..
I WILL remind myself of the blessings we have, even when I don't feel like it.
I WILL be thankful that I've carried 4 babies, even if I haven't held them all in my arms.
I WILL be thankful for Levi and Ruby and the blessings they are in our lives.
I WILL be ever present and mindful of those who go without so much in our world, and remind myself to bless others.
I WILL be thankful for the love that the Lord bestowed upon us, by dying for us, and taking our place on the cross, the ultimate sacrifice.


My heart is hurting, but I am thankful for the peace that the Lord has graciously given to me through these last weeks and because of HIM, I know it will be okay.

11 months and counting

How is it, baby girl, that you are another month older, and only ONE month shy of your first birthday? It doesn't even seem possible. This past year has been nothing short of amazing as we have watched you grow from an infant to an almost toddler, full of love, giggles, and pure joy.

At 11 months you...

1) You say Hi, and it's about the cutest thing ever
2) You also say Mama, and you do occasional signing to more, all done, and milk
3) Your favorite things include climbing the stairs, chasing the cat, and reaching up to bang piano keys
4) Your favorite toys are balls, a rocking horse, and destroying anything your brother has.
5)  You're still a fantastic eater, and will eat anything I put in front you, as long as you can feed yourself
6) Your nursing has slowed the last couple of weeks, sometimes only 3 times a day.
7) You still take an inconsistent morning nap, and a solid 2 hour nap in the afternoons
8) Bedtime is still right around 6pm-6am
9) You still wake to nurse in the night.... Just so you know, once you're a year, I'm pretty certain this will be cut out of your life. I don't remember the last time I slept through the night, and Mama is tired.
10)  You're taking more and more steps between things, but still not fully walking, I think for now, crawling is faster and you're okay with that. (Levi was the same way!)
11) You participated in your first Halloween. You were exhausted, but pretty cute.

next up.. Thanksgiving, and your birthday, followed quickly by your 2nd Christmas... how is that possible?

We love you baby girl. More than you'll ever know. 

Pumpkin Fun

We picked 'em.. 

We gutted 'em... 

We drew on 'em... 

We created 'em.. 

Quite the imagination...

When I work at school, I always come home for about a 1\2 hour so I can nurse Ruby, mostly because she won't take a bottle anymore. Today, I came home and Levi asked why I was home, so I told him. The next thing I know, he's got his shirt up, holding his Elmo, that he is recently obsessed with, trying to nurse him.

I about died.

So, we talked about how God made Mama's and Papa's and how only Mama's can make milk, etc etc. 

The next thing I know he's disappeared downstairs.He'd gone downstairs, gotten a sippy cup with milk, come back up holding the cup to his nipple, and attempting to nurse his Elmo.

oh. my. stars. 

I had tears I was laughing so hard.

10 months and counting

My dear sweet precious girl, today you are 10 months old. I say it every month, but I really can't believe it's already been 10 months. I feel like you were just born, and yet, you are quickly making your way to that 1 year mark. As a side note, I would just like to point out that 31 years ago on this day, I became a big sister, and do you want to know how I old I was? 10 months.

yup.

Thanks for still being my baby.

At 10 months you...

1) You babble "Mama" and "Papa", though I'm not sure they are directed at either parent in particular.

2) You are a crazy eater and will basically eat anything I put in front of you. You LOVE pears, and carrots. You self-feed as you are not a fan of me spooning food into your mouth. 

3) You are cruising around furniture, and last weekend you took about 10 steps from Granna to me.

4) You've survived your first summer, and I'm sure soon, I'll pose you in front of your first pumpkin. :)

5) You are still up in the night to eat, somewhere around 1, normally, but then you will sleep the rest of the night. Thanks for cutting out that second one at 4. I do appreciate it.

6) You've slowed down on nursing, and are only nursing about 4-6 times a day. You just want to go go go all the time, and that, well it slows you down.

7) You successfully climb stairs and the other day I even caught you trying to climb OVER the baby gate.

8) You wave now..... hello, goodbye, you just like waving

9) You have a devilish laugh. I'm a little scared of what that might bring.

10) You are a little peanut, weighing in at 17 lbs 9 oz at your well-child check up. 

11) You LOVE your brother. beyond words. I can't wait to see how your relationship develops as you get older.



You my darling girl, light up our lives each and every day, and I'm so thankful for your sparkling eyes, and your beautiful personality.

I love you.

1st day of Preschool

There are not words for my heart soared for you and wanted to pull you back into my arms all in the same moment. I love you little man. 

Showing off your lion backpack... 

So grown up

Papa and Levi

Mama and Levi

Heading down the hallway to your room

Saying good morning to your teacher, Mrs. O.