It's a GIRL!

My sweet Maisie girl, I want to write down your birth story now before I forget.

It really starts at about 4 am, the day of your birth, April 18, 2014. We set our alarm, knowing we needed to leave the house around 5 to head to the hospital. I woke up early with insomnia, around 3, and ended up just getting up, I knew I'd never get back to sleep at that point. I did, by the way, get sick again at this point.. you know one last, hey I'm pregnant stab at Mama, so thanks for that..  At 4, the irony began...

Levi fell out of bed and woke up, he thought it was time to get up, since we were up and moving... We attempted to put him back to bed several times, and in the process, Ruby woke up. I finally managed to squeak in a shower around 4:40 and throw myself together enough to leave by 5, but boy was it an adventure. Both your big brother and sister were still awake when we left at 5.

We arrived at the hospital, got settled in, and the paperwork, and prep began for my surgery. They had a terrible time with my IV. I was poked twice, then they called IV therapy, which is normal, he got an IV started, but it was really uncomfortable, and they were concerned it was pushing liquid under my skin, so we had to do it again... FINALLY we were ready to go. We headed to the OR room for my very least favorite part of C-sections... the spinal. I  have no idea how long it really took, it seemed like it took forever before we were ready, and, baby girl, there were SO many people in the room it was crazy. I think at one point I managed to count 17... yes, 17! (thanks to student interns) that were in the room. My favorite person in the whole room besides your Papa? An amazing woman named Janine. She came in to be a part of your birth-day baby girl, and I was so grateful to have her there.

The C-section was uneventful as C's go, though I did manage to get sick during the surgery, which if I'm being honest was the definite low point of the whole thing. It just felt so awful and horrible, and I just wanted to meet you... but then... we heard your first little cry, and my dr say, at 8:29am, IT'S A GIRL!!! and we saw you for the first time.... you were beautiful, tiny, and perfect. You were 8lbs 7oz, the smallest of our 3 kiddos. and your hair!! oh my goodness, your full head of dark hair is beautiful... Mama will be incredibly sad if you lose it...

Papa cut the cord, and then they brought you to me. Janine helped us do skin to skin in the OR which was amazing, to finally hold you, to see your little hands, your face, your eyes.... and you even nursed, right there in the OR before you left with Papa to be weighed and measured. I will forever savor those moments, baby girl.

We savored you in recovery and discussed funny things with the nurses like chicken farming, yogurt making, bread making, and oh yea.. what we were going to name you! We hadn't settled on a name yet, and we were really hoping you would ooze a name to us... you didn't. ;)

We made it back to our room, and we were greeted by your Granna and Grumps, Auntie A, and a pastor from our church where we were able to pray a blessing over you in those moments...  Shortly after your Grandpa and Grandma arrived with Levi and Ruby. After kicking everyone out so your Papa and I could have some time to talk about your name... we decided on

Maisie (May-zee) Lynn...

 Maisie means Pearl, and it just seemed so perfect, and Lynn was my middle name.

You did manage to make me sick one final time, though I have a feeling that was more due to drugs from the surgery, but overall that day, I got sick 3 times... jockeying to be the last already, I think. ;) You were born on a Friday morning, but not just any friday, Good Friday! :) We came home Monday morning. At 3 days old you had already had your first holiday.. Easter! :) Though, as holidays go, it was fairly uneventful since we were in the hospital.

You have been such an amazing little girl already. You nurse really well, and are just generally happy. Levi and Ruby love holding you and giving you kisses.. Ruby calls you baby Maisie... We are slowly getting adjusted to a family of 5, and we are loving every minute....


We love you our sweet Maisie Girl.......

38 weeks and counting

Oh, little one, we love you so so much, and we can not wait to meet you.  I always feel like there is a point where you just reach being done, kind of akin to cooking a turkey, but longer. I'm there. I feel ready, my body just feels done. I keep asking Mike if I felt this way with the others, because I honestly don't remember, and I feel like it's worse this time, but that could just be my hormonal 38 week pregnant self talking, I don't know.

Our "stuff" is about as ready as we're going to get. The bassinet is up, a few pinks\blues are washed to take to the hospital, changing table\dresser is ready to go, car seat installed. I suppose the only thing left to pack is my bag. ;) There is a plan in place for the bigs, and I think that's everything.

2 weeks from tomorrow is our scheduled C.  Right now, 2 weeks seems like an ETERNITY.  I told Mike yesterday that  I'm longing for it be at 39 weeks like he originally suggested. I'm working next week, and it will be busy, so that will definitely help. I teach Monday, have a Tuesday AM commitment, lessons Tuesday PM, school all day on Wednesday, lessons, and church in the evening, recital for my students on Thursday, and Friday a well child for Levi, an ear check up for Ruby, and a haircut for Mama. Saturday I work at an elementary choral music festival.. and then.......... I'm DONE. :)  Cutting it close? Maybe, but I've been over with the others and I'm just not worried, though I would LOVE for this baby to surprise us. :) This week has been spring break, and we've had some downtime, and while that's been nice, I think I've found it makes me MORE anxious for this baby to arrive.

I know that sleep will be intermittent in 2 short weeks, but how I long for it to not be that way now. It seems it's one or the other. The kids are up and I could be sleeping, or the kids sleep great, and I can't sleep to save my life. I find myself daily praying for the Lord's strength and grace because it's all I have right now to get me through the long hard days, and even longer sleepless nights.

Come soon sweet baby we are ready to meet you!

School

School has been weighing heavily on our minds lately. We have been homeschooling Levi for this past year. It has had good and bad moments.

Good moments:
Time spent with Levi, watching him learn
Teaching him how to read, and watching him read his own stories
Exploring together
Doing things on our own time table

Bad moments:
The days seem long, hard, and at times, very isolating
A sick pregnant Mama, does not, a good teacher, make.
Figuring out how to juggle schedules, work, kids, and just general time to do "life" related activities.

Levi's favorite thing: playing math games, so he says. :)
least favorite: learning new things (read: things that are hard for him to understand)

So, with that... we've been weighing our options for next year.. Do we continue to homeschool him? Do we try private school? Do we go with public school? Do we do charter school?

Homeschool
Let me just be real for a moment, mkay? While it's been fun to teach him new things, I have not loved homeschooling. It's hard, and it's long (not the time, but just the continuing nature of it), for me, it's isolating, It's hard to find a good balance with homeschooling and me working, I feel like we end up using up every ounce of our day between the two things, and there is just no give in the schedule... this year? school got dropped if we needed to do something else, which felt slightly okay since it was just preschool, but next year Kindergarten? yea... not okay.
I'm also really concerned about balancing a 5.5 2.5 and a 6 month old next fall..... it kind of makes my head spin when I think about it.
But, I LOVE being home with my little learner, I love watching him learn about things he loves, we are currently working on learning to tell time because HE wants to do that.   I read good books about homeschooling, and think yes... that's what I want for my kids, but gosh darn't... it's a hard sell for this extrovert Mama who likes to do things. Which of course, typing that, reminds me of just how selfish our own human desires are.... and that seems so silly and contrite a reason to not homeschool.

Private School
I think both Mike and I feel most content with this option, minus the $6000 pricetag that comes with it. yea. That kind of $$ just isn't even possible. They offer scholarships, but they are minimal, and I highly doubt that even a scholarship would allow us the semi-ability to pay for school. It was a fun idea, but I just don't see how there is any earthly way it will ever happen.

Public School
We fortunately live in a very good school district, with excellent teachers\staff, and all that goes along with that. Most people just kind of stare at us when we say we're thinking about other options, because why on earth would you consider anything else with the district were in. I can't even really tell you why, because I don't know why ourselves, but its' just something we're considering, I suppose.  I HATE the idea of him being gone for 7 hours a day.. he's my baby, my first kid love, and I can't imagine not having him home all the time. The harder part yet, is how this would change what I do... I will not teach lessons 4 nights a week and have my kid gone every day until 7. I'd never see him, and I'm NOT okay with that... but what that means? I don't know. Do I bow out and not teach for a while, do I continue to teach but in a smaller capacity, do I teach but only say 2 nights a week? I just feel like there are lots of hard questions, and not a lot of great answers..

Charter School
This option feels kind of like an interesting middle to public\private.  I read good and bad things about Charter school, I hear good and bad things from parents.  I don't know what to say about it really other than it seems like maybe somewhat of a middle ground.... maybe.


Last year, we felt that the Lord had really called us to homeschool this year, and we felt confident in that decision... I haven't felt any sort of "pull" in any direction this spring, which I suppose makes it a little harder. I could talk on and on and on and..... well, you get the idea, about my thoughts on school, and truly, depending on the day, who I am talking with, and how the kids are behaving, can seriously impact what I am considering in that moment. ;)

our life in bullets

Is anyone out there?

You have no obligation to be, because I certainly haven't kept up my end of the bargain...
I don't even have a good excuse, really, other than just life, 2 kids, pregnancy, laundry, you know... things like that... which is really just life, which doesn't feel like a good excuse, but we always use it, so there ya go.

Bullet form to catch us up

• Levi turned 5 on January 27. He's amazing, and I'm convinced that he is going to grow up to be a a marine biologist, or some kind of animal behaviorist type of person. He can talk your ear off about animals for as long as you let him, particularly about lions, crocodiles, and sharks. He currently tells us he's a) saving his money for a shark boat b) when he's grown up he is going to learn how to dive, swim with sharks, and discover why they are disappearing. I can't make this stuff up, people. He has a passion for learning that I truly pray never dies. He is reading, basic 3 letter words, as well as simple blends. He enjoys it, but isn't to the point where he wants to sit down and do it by himself. He is doing basic math in school, can count to 100, and is starting to work on basic addition. He has recently taken a turn to wanting to learn how to tell time, so we've been working on that. He loves to be outside climbing trees, jumping in mud puddles, and doing all things boy. He is an adventurer. Yesterday he was outside, in the rain, in his snow pants, snow boots, raincoat, and climbing trees... :)  He also LOVES to draw. By love, I mean, he could spend hours doing it, and often creates huge posters of things for me to look at. I would love to find an art\drawing class of some kind for him this summer. Last summer we did one 2 hour class together and he STILL talks about it. He's also beyond sensitive, and very aware of how other people are feeling. More than once, he has started crying because Ruby is upset, and he is truly upset for her.  I don't think I could ever sum up how, on a daily basis, he never ceases to amaze me. 

• Ruby is 2, and she is ALL 2 ALL the time. She's a crazy fun ball of energy, who, contrary to her brother, zero interest in learning, but IS interested in playing with her brothers legos, and learning to dive bomb jump off the back of the couch.  I say this all the time, but Levi was never 2. Ruby however? ALL 2. Throws fits with the best of them, runs away from me saying, no, Mama, no! I mean, really, sometimes I just shake my head and think, really kiddo? not okay. We'll get there, slowly but surely....it's just a far cry from Levi who at 2 knew all of his letters, and would sit quietly beside me playing with playdoh... Ruby runs through the house and smears playdoh on every imaginable surface.  She has a soft spot for her babies, and I really think she is going to be a little mama to baby 3, but generally she just LOVES life. Sleeping, she does not love, however. The kids go to bed at 7, Ruby generally takes probably over an hour to actually FALL asleep, and is up unconscionably early every day, normally between 5:15-5:45.  I know, right? It makes you just want to drink a cup of coffee... please. do. :) She takes one nap during the day, about two hours, and there ya have it. She gets less sleep than Levi does... how that works, I will never understand.

• Baby Bean... oh I apologize now sweet one for the lack of documentation that is going to happen in your life. Here we are at 36 weeks, and I've hardly documented anything. Let me give you a brief run down. You are growing, you make me sick and queasy on a regular basis, and you caused a brief run in with labor and delivery at 33 weeks due to me being sick, dehydrated, and having contractions. Thank you for staying put for a while longer. We do appreciate it. :) not really much else to report. I'm ready to meet you, to KNOW if you are a boy or a girl... p.s. We still don't have a name picked out, and I apologize for that as well, it's just really hard to settle on one, when we don't' know what we're having. I promise we'll name you before we leave the hospital, truly, I do.  Right now, you are scheduled to arrive on April 18, via c-section, unless you should joyfully make an early appearance.. by the way, you are completely welcome to do that, but if you could not do so before April 12, that would be great, as Mama is working that day. I know, I'm already making demands, and you're not even here yet. We truly are excited to meet you, get to know you, and fall in love with you, even more than we already are. 

•  So there ya have it.. bullet form to catch you up, which is really just a kid update. :)  We're good. Doing a lot of thinking\praying in regards to school for Levi next year. It's such a big decision, and one that I frankly feel completely overwhelmed by most days. Life is good, and we are so thankful for the busyness and the blessings that come with the craziness of life and kids. 

Decisions, Decisions

As most of you know, we have been trying to decide this pregnancy what we wanted to do in terms of our birth experience. After 24 hours labor, followed by a C-section, we gave birth to Levi. When I became pregnant with Ruby, we talked quite a bit about a VBAC. (vaginal birth after cesarean) At 38 weeks, after arguing constantly with my OB about it, I finally agreed to let him schedule a C-section, 1 week after my due date. If I hadn't gone into labor, then I would consent to a C. Ruby was born via c-section.

2 falls ago when I was pregnant, I knew immediately I wanted to switch OB's to increase my odds of a VBAC. After talking with numerous people, we switched to a different dr. In the end, it didn't matter, because we lost that baby. When I became pregnant again this last fall, I stayed with who my "new" OB was.

I made my thoughts to him very clear from the get go. After several appointments that didn't go very well, and just not feeling like I was connecting with him as a Dr, we made the decision to switch back to my old OB (who, minus the whole C-section bit, I really liked). I knew when I made that decision, I sealed the deal in terms of a C-section vs. VBAC, but in the end, I was okay with that.  The only real option to have a VBAC was to travel to Ann Arbor to UofM, and that's just not in the cards in our life.

I had my first appt with my new (old) OB yesterday. He asked why I left, and why I was back, and I gave him the story of why I was where I was, which most definitely included him. ;) All that to say, in the end, I'm at peace with this decision, and I'm thankful to be back at a practice where I feel like I matter, and feel like the Dr cares who I am and what we are about, and really that's what matters in the end.

Ruby at 2

My sweet baby girl. I cannot believe that TODAY we celebrate 2 years of life. How\when that happened is beyond me. It feels like just yesterday you were born.

That next year was a bit of blur, lots of sleeping, eating, learning to crawl, walk, and you started talking, using a few words, mostly sign language, still nursing.. you were still very much a baby.

At 2 it seems you've grown exponentially... 

you.... 

LOVE animals, especially horses. You can recognize basically all animals and tell me the sounds they make

love having a good time. you like to make us laugh, you like to get into mischief, and just generally have a good time. you especially love playing with your brother, even if sometimes you drive him a little crazy

recognize a few letters, but you don't have the letter obsession your crazy brother has\had

you love helping Mama in the kitchen, just as much as Levi. Most days, it's fun. :)  You like helping make breakfast in the morning with Papa

You talk non-stop. I have no idea how many words you know\say, but it's a lot. You talk in sentences, and I love when you try to use words you hear Levi use, like "actually".. it's pretty cute. I understand you most of the time.

You're a good sleeper, but a massively early riser. You go to bed between 6:30-7, and routinely are up by about 5. We normally put you back in your room, over and over again, until around 6, but you just are not interested in going back to sleep.  You still take 1 nap a day. Normally from around 11:30-2.

Your favorite foods include grapes, peanut butter (budder), raisins, macaroni and cheese, chicken, bananas (ba-na), carrots and green beans.

You are very active, and you like to think you are invincible, just like your brother. I say all the time you will land us in the ER before he does, just because you try to do everything he does, but you're almost 3 years younger. You don't care, you try anyway. You love jumping on the trampoline, and are even already figuring out how to pump your legs on the swing.

Oh my sweet baby girl, may you never stop smiling, and may you grow up to be a woman who loves the Lord, and is compassionate and loving towards other people.

We love you sweet girl, Happy Birthday!

Baby #3

It's been quiet around here for a while, and I suppose the official news is now out....

That would be a big reason for the quiet. We're mostly just getting through the days, and I'm desperately trying to stay on top of everything, while being utterly exhausted. Any down time with the kids, often results in me taking a quick cat nap on the couch, most definitely not blogging.

But, all that being said.

We're incredibly blessed and excited (although a bit intimidated to be outnumbered) to be adding another little person into our family.  For those interested the official stats here they are.....

After 2 miscarriages, we tend to be more than cautious in the beginning, and I'm unlikely to even want to think long term about how #3 would affect our lives. You can ask Mike, he'd want to talk about things, and I would just say, I can't yet. I just couldn't let myself go there emotionally. We just don't take it for granted, because we've seen life twice, only to have, for reasons we don't know, it taken away. Last week we had a 14 week appointment, which was long, and landed me in the ultrasound room crying to the ultrasound tech. (I'm sure she thought I was a nut job). The dr. couldn't find the heartbeat, the intern couldn't find the heartbeat, and then I heard those horrible words of "viability" whispered, while they assured me everything was fine, and sent me to the waiting room to wait for an ulstrasound. I, meanwhile, let Mike know what was going on (he was home with the kids) and tried desperately to keep myself together. When I was called back in, the poor U\S tech asked how I was, and I ended up totally losing it. Bless her heart, she worked quickly to find the heartbeat and give us our first glimse at our precious baby. It truly is the most amazing thing in the world to see a little tiny life squiggly around inside of you.

If you've been around a while, you of course are wondering if I'm sick, and the answer of course is yes. I've been sick since around 7-8 weeks, and it hasn't stopped. I have no doubts that it will last until this little baby makes his\her appearance. It comes and goes, the last couple of days have been particularly awful, but that means that we'll probably have a couple of good days, so here's hoping that's on the horizon, before we're back to being sick again.

My officialy due date is April 16. We are currently trying to decide how we want to go about the whole birth aspect of it all. I would still love a VBAC, though, right now, I'm getting major no's from OB's because I've had 2 C's. I could go over to UofM, but honestly I don't know how I'd even begin to fit that into our already busy lives. Anyway, all that to say, it's something we're still processing.

We are so thankful to the Lord for this little blessing in our lives, and look forward to the adventure a family of 5 will bring.