My heart has been heavy this last week.
A dear friend of mine from college has been pregnant, carrying twins. She didn't know she was carrying twins until she went in for her gender ultrasound. She found out she was carrying two precious boys, however, one baby was not alive. One twin was what they called an acardic twin. The baby was never alive, but had developed along with the other twin, but with the absence of organs. Her baby in particular had a body, legs and arms, but that was all.
After consulting with doctors, they decided they would be scheduled for surgery, because, the healthy baby was working overtime giving nutrients to the second baby, even though it was not alive. She was going to have surgery where they would remove the second baby in an attempt to keep the first baby healthy. Meanwhile, they put her on immediate bedrest as she was high risk for pre-term labor.
Sunday, she went into labor, they were unable to stop it, and she gave birth to both boys. The one, obviously was never alive, the other baby lived about 15 minutes before passing away. She was just shy of 22 weeks when she had them.
Tomorrow is the funeral. My sister and I are going. I've never been to a baby funeral. The youngest funeral I've ever attended was for a dear friend I lost in college. I feel completely at a loss of what to say to her, but at the same time, I know how it feels to lose a baby. I know how much it hurts, and I know that she is hurting inside. But, it's times like this that make me glad that I have a glimmer of understanding, and am thankful that I have a past experience that allows me to understand how it feels to be in those shoes.
So, tomorrow.. we'll go, and I'll hug her, and I don't doubt I will cry right along with her, and know that in times like this, it is when we can depend on friends, family, and most importantly, our GOD, to see us through.
3 comments:
Wow...that passage from, well, is it I Corinthians? Where it says that you can comfort those who are hurting with the same comfort you have recieved? Praying that God will use you for her!
Jen - I have followed your blog for quite some time through the Tappens blog. Ben and Jessica are my cousin and cousin-in-law! Anyway, I work as a neonatal nurse practitioner and this post leaves me with a heavy heart too. I think the most important thing is for your friend to know that you love her and while you don't have magic words you have both sympathy and empathy for her and her loss. I don't think she is looking for magical words...just comfort from the people that she cares about the most. The troubling part of this experience is she is grieving two losses. One that will never have an official funeral and one that will. How hard is that? A beautiful baby just shy of 22 weeks is a perfectly formed child that is just a couple of weeks too early to survive in our world. You have the gift of unspoken understanding...that in and of itself is magical for someone who is grieving and God will use you- Praying for you as this experience will certainly stir a ping of grief in yourself and a strange joy as you embrace Levi on your return trip home.
oh my. we are praying.
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