Today is one of those days..
The sun is shining, it's beautiful, and I should be happy that it's so beautiful, I should be outside enjoying the sunshine...
but I find that instead, my thoughts wander towards May... May 10th...
Tomorrow I should have been 37 weeks, and I have nothing to show for it. I have, what feels like at the moment, a giant mountain standing in front of me, and none of the right tools to get to the top. Instead, I have a can of Similac Formula sitting on my table that we got in the mail yesterday, with a note that said congratulations, you're almost a mom. And instead of joy, it reduces me to a puddle of tears.
Sometimes I wonder when it won't hurt as much. When I will be able to be truly happy for other people who are pregnant and not feel that twinge of sadness inside of me wishing it were us. And the crazy part?? I don't think it will ever go away. I think it will always be there in the pit of my stomach. Every May will be a reminder of what we should have had, what we once did have.
Just feeling it today, I suppose..
just wishing, hoping...
and trying to believe that one day it will happen for us as well...
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